Why you shouldn’t beat yourself up if breastfeeding isn’t working for you.
Whether you are or once were breastfeeding- you should know you aren’t a bad mother. You are not and weren’t a bad mother if you chose to pump and bottle feed your baby, offer formula, or stop mid journey. It’s important to remind yourself that every mother and baby is unique, and breastfeeding may not always work out for everyone. As you're reading that sentence I'm sure you're taking that with a grain of salt thinking, “ya, ya, ya.. we have all heard that before. It’s been said loud enough for us in the back multiple times”. Hear me out, and let's discuss some of the challenges mothers today face day to day with breastfeeding. You aren’t alone momma, there is another in the fire, and your baby is not rejecting you because you aren’t good enough- you are enough, and have always been enough.
First and foremost, what is most important is that your baby is fed and loved. How you love, care, and raise your child will define you later on down the road, not if they were breastfed. I don’t care how many scientific articles out there are saying how “clinically” proven it is for your child to be breastfed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti breastfeeding, or against mothers who breastfeed. I salute and applaud you from whatever form you choose, I’m just here to shed light on the double edged sword and bring normalization and comfort to the mothers who beat themselves up for not being able to breastfeed whether it's mentally, physically, or emotionally. Ashley Graham quoted it best herself, “There is no one size feeds all”.
Did you know that our gut plays a crucial role in breastfeeding for you and baby? Our maternal gut health can impact the composition of breast milk. A healthy gut microbiome in the mother can lead to the production of beneficial components in the breast milk that support the baby’s immune system and overall health. Leading as deep down to how their gut is developing, digesting, and absorbing the milk. But did you know our brain and gut are connected? They are constantly communicating hormonally, and for our immunity. This is one of the leading factors to postpartum depression that not many talk about. An imbalance to the gut has been linked to things such as anxiety, depression, and stress.
If you are experiencing any of those symptoms and trying to breastfeed your baby- all of that is being transferred to them, making them stressed, and possibly collicy. How can you feed and care for your baby when you both are stressed, tired, and sad momma? All of that can affect your milk supply, babies behavior, and your ability to give them your all. It's not your fault either and I’m not blaming you in any way but to have to keep up on a balanced diet, keep our emotions in check all while they are getting familiar with life outside the womb is stressful to the thought. I applaud you for trying! give yourself grace, and take a second to reevaluate.
The efforts that go into breastfeeding are hefty too, taking time to reevaluate may be hard to schedule in your day to day (let's be real, those silent moments become rare when you're a mom). Pumping every 2-3 hours 8- 10 times a day, in between possibly a cluster fed baby can be stressful. The pain that some mothers experience is just as real to and could make latching and feeding uncomfortable, and to add the cherry on top let's not forget all the pump parts we need washed each session. If you still are giving it a shot I encourage you to stay hydrated, ensure a comfortable proper latch, practice skin to skin, use nipple cream, take a warm shower, use cold compresses, invest in a haaka, take care of yourself, and let support in. Building and maintaining a supply with this demand (which is normal) can be challenging. Make sure you are establishing a routine, adjust to your baby’s feeding habits, maintain night feedings, and create a consistency that is in tune and listening to your body based on your individual needs and circumstances.
Latching may not have been the easiest for your little one and there is nothing wrong with you, and the baby doesn't love you any less. There are several reasons a baby has trouble latching some are incorrect positioning, tongue or lip tie, engorged breasts, low milk supply, or baby’s mouth anatomy, and sometimes it’s yours and babies first time at this. Be easy, and patient with yourself, utilize the support that is out there to help assess the situation, provide guidance, offer positions and techniques that work for you. One of my favorite techniques to give moms a breather and a chance to re-gather is the pace feeding method. It helps prevent nipple confusion, mimics breastfeeding, and allows additional support to step in and handle a feed.
With all of this being said, motherhood is divine and beautiful. Do you now see how there was always another in the fire with you? These are challenges we face day to day together. Be kind and loving to yourself just as you would want your little one to be with themselves. Either you dust yourself off and try again or, know when it's okay to be the next supporting mother who also “gets it” and is the living testimony for the next mommy. Lastly, if this encourages you to give it another go around for your next, know there are resources to help support you along the way such as lactation specialists, consultants, and postpartum doulas. Try out as many as you need until you’re satisfied! don’t let anyone bring you down. You always were and are, wonderfully and fearfully made. Motherhood looks amazing on you.
Sincerely,
Your Village 🤎
